The true complexity of trying to live a simple life.

Simply said, I cannot possibly live a life filled with too much complexity. There are things I'd like to accomplish, things I'd like to achieve, things that I feel selfish enough to do anything for, and things that I feel I would sacrifice anything for regardless of the consequences. However, I also aspire to live life simply, without all the emotional luggage and feelings of justice and so forth that tend to prevent objects of beauty from reaching their full potential. Life is plenty complicated enough with already existing relationships to maintain, yet alone to go out there and find more and more people to meet and engage, and so lessen the quality of the time and effort we put into all our other current affiliations. How selfish creatures we can be...*sigh* Then again, that selfishness is usually what motivation for us to do better and to continue doing better, to expect more, and to feel alive.

I crave to lead a meaningful life, filled with all the issues and troubles, good and bad, to make it something worth living out to see the future for. To do that, we must want, and to want is to continue to have higher and higher expectations of life. So often do our simple expectations become such hungry beasts that we feel we deserve to reap all we deserve, yet such hungry beasts they are that we cannot feed and fulfil them. What do we get for our trouble? Either the sad, unhappy feeling that we are failures and that the world is rejecting us...OR, that we have yet to finish the work we have put in to get out rewards, and that the world is simply waiting for our answer. If so, patience and resilience is MY answer. I don't need a life complicated by petty and materialistic wants and needs, but I want to be DROWNED in all the tasks that would make life meaningful and unregrettable.

The saying that "We get what we give." and "If you want to gain something, you need to give something of equivalent cost." are things that we, as humans, instinctively know to be wrong. Feelings of injustice and dissatisfaction plague our minds when we don't understand why. Is it because we were too greedy by wanting more and more so that we can find meaning? Or is it that we alwasy feel we can do better...and better...and better. Maybe it's because that we are weak, weak creatures, amongst those of us who are strong who are willing to do what's necessary to get whatever they want. Afterall, isn't achieving our goals and thus satisfying ourselves the one differentiating factor between those who are successful, happy, content, and those who aren't? Isn't it the most distinguishing between people who live simply to live, and those who live to feel alive?

I get the feeling that a lot of the time, people are weak and unwilling to pay the cost to get the things they want, or are merely underestimating and misunderstanding the basis of their desire. Those who lack the ambition and strength to push on, knowing what they want and how they're going to obtain it, merely hold back those who do, and in doing so, prevent the progress of others by hindering them. The rest of the time, people are just confused about the basis and reason for their desire. Knowledge is powerful, but power can only be controlled with strength and passion, and when presented with too much knowledge, people tend to see more...options.

With more knowledge comes more options, options that not only confuse what the individual wants, but also causes the individual to not allow enough quality time and effort into making choices. Those with a deep understanding of knowledge know that knowledge is only useful with a bias, for knowledge with pure objectivity goes nowhere and is stagnating. Those with the deep understanding know that although it can represent all the different options that you may have, also understand that to progress, you must limit the amount of choices you have in spite of ALL the knowledge you have, lest the act of making a choice destroys the individual before an actually decision is made.

To have too much is sometimes as bad as having too little, where too much can lessen the extent of care and maintenance for each separate issue, and too little can simply dull and bore life. For that to happen would mean the lesser amount of time people can spend with those who make life meaningful and interesting simply masks how little you care about the possessions you currently have. The more you have, the more that you will have to leave behind everything else that you already have, as it wouldn't be possible to distribute all of one's self to a higher number of reliances. Hence, it is a rather fine line between wanting and having too much, and showing enough care and patience to the things you already have, while, at the same time, trying one's best to make life meaningful and eventful.

Man...just SO felt like saying that right now. Feels awesome, I feel good. Muahaha. Sleep time, night!

Diálogo de dos Mentes - Eternity and Infinity

Eternity says:
that's the thing, i was just kinda looking around til i found that one place that would make me go "Ah ha! This is the place i want!"

Infinity says:
so it's more a feeling that you'll recognise it when you see it?

Eternity says:
yeah, like it is with girls

Eternity says:
well, accomodation = see
girls = feel

Infinity says:
well i'm glad that girls inspire the same heart-felt sentiments as an inanimate construction

Eternity says:
HAHAHA

Eternity says:
it's all about FEELINGS!

Infinity says:
but seriously, i understand what you mean

Eternity says:
thanks

Infinity says:
how are you in that area? have you found any girl who feels right?

Eternity says:
only a few, though it wasn't in preson, so i don't think that counts

Infinity says:
would it be so different?

Eternity says:
perhaps

Eternity says:
i may be awkward around them in person, who knows?

Eternity says:
besides, i still gotta wait for them to actually COME BACK from the holidays they've gone off on

Eternity says:
so why not wait a while longer

Eternity says:
been waiting for quite a while as it is in general, so a little more shouldn't hurt

Eternity says:
'nough about me, how about u? any developments with anyone?

Infinity says:
with my non-existent social life? please...

Eternity says:
awww

Eternity says:
but you are well-deserving of it because of all your hard work in other areas

Infinity says:
lol that's sweet...though i can't tell if you're just teasing

Eternity says:
no no, of course not

Infinity says:
i wonder if i could transfer some credit from my study account to the relationships account please...i don't know

Eternity says:
wouldn't tease you about these issues

Eternity says:
hahahaha

Eternity says:
wish i could

Infinity says:
you know, i used to think that being with that one person should make you feel...euphoria, bliss and all that

Infinity says:
but now i think i want to feel...at home with that person

Infinity says:
extremes of emotion - euphoria and terror - are all great for livening things up

Eternity says:
we live for those rushes

Infinity says:
but i mostly just want to feel comfortable, feel like myself around that person

Eternity says:
yeah, i think i get what you mean, which is why i think i found a girl who thinks right

Eternity says:
feels* not thinks*

Eternity says:
cos i feel open, without having to hide anything good or bad

Eternity says:
nothing to live up to, nothing to show off

Eternity says:
i think that's ultimately what people want in a relationship

Eternity says:
want*

Eternity says:
though i guess it's something we must also put a lot of effort into, first to actually find that person, second to actually GET that person, and third to actually maintain a relationship with that person

Infinity says:
yeah you can't spend the rest of your life playing charades

Infinity says:
yeah that's true...i guess relationships may seem easy but there's often a lot of background work

Eternity says:
yeah, and i guess those that ARE actually easy probably aren't too meaningful

Eternity says:
whereas the ones that you and I are wanting to seek after are the meaningful ones

Infinity says:
you're right...i've never thought about it that way

Eternity says:
that's all i'm looking for right now, meaning

Eternity says:
hope you find it too

Infinity says:
often we value things because they are meaningful and aren't simply easy

Eternity says:
exactly

Eternity says:
things that take lots of effort to find and fight for are true treasures

Eternity says:
those things that can be bought or easily found can't be called treasures

Eternity says:
we seek new heights that we may get a better view of the truth, meaning and purpose of our lives, only to fall every now and then to make new realisations about the things we want and yearn for

Infinity says:
ah that's true

Infinity says:
so do you believe we each create the meaning and purpose of our lives?

Eternity says:
...since i ultimately believe in a greater power (God), i think that the meaning and purpose of our lives have already been made, but that the parameters that make the meaning and purpose true can be stretched by our own effort, after we strive to realise what our meaning and purpose actually is

Infinity says:
so thought experiment here...

Infinity says:
our lives involve:

Infinity says:
1. finding what the meaning and purpose of life is
2. fulfiling that meaning and purpose
3. realising that finding the meaning of life is search and fulfilment, and vice versa

Eternity says:
hmmm...the third step in my mind would be trying to push the limits of that meaning and purpose, thus realising your true potential and being humble with it

Eternity says:
your third step would be my fourth step i guess

Eternity says:
...and i guess that the person you're meant to be with will be someone who will be beside throughout it all

Infinity says:
yes...i suppose that's why your soul mate is called your life companion

Eternity says:
yeah, and in chinese "知己", the one who "knows (your)self"

Infinity says:
hey why do you think we long to find a life companion so?

Eternity. says:
because unless you're in a religion where your God and His Son loves you eternally and no matter what you do, people tend to find themselves spiritually lonely

Eternity says:
and even if you're in that religion, us humans are still shallow to the point where we need to see and feel that love in the form of another person

Eternity says:
...that's what i think

Eternity says:
no one likes to be lonely, and we do what we can to seek to rectify it

Eternity says:
what do you reckon?

Infinity says:
what you're saying definitely sounds right

Infinity says:
i also think, as one person, you can never be sure your life means anything

Infinity says:
but, when you find another person, two things happen

Infinity says:
you find someone else who feels has meaning in your life and you realise that your own life has meaning for someone else

Infinity says:
i mean, this is the overall idea...i guess the actual specifics would be willing to share and listen to opinions, caring about their health and wellbeing, etc.

Eternity says:
ahhh "It's not about whether or not she's perfect for you, but whether or not you're perfect for each other" - Good Will Hunting

Infinity says:
this makes you realise that you're unique...but you're also connected to something vaster, more mysterious and enduring

Infinity says:
yes! i mean how could she be 'perfect for you' when she's not happy when with you?

Eternity says:
exactly! i find that quote to be most fitting

Eternity says:
when you find the one, as if the "truth" is finally open to you

Eternity says:
with it's good and bad aspects

Infinity says:
yes! things take on their real form and fall into place

Eternity says:
with you mentally saying "I am complete"

Eternity says:
yeah! and along with "i am complete", there's also "everything is complete in my life" when things fall into place

Infinity says:
perhaps it's not truth as such (since that seems to imply it's objective and the same for everyone)...but more completion like you were saying

Infinity says:
a sense of harmony and comprehension of the relationship between you and everything else

Eternity says:
exactly, because the truth is, we lead very one-sided lives, and only by opening ourselves to the other side can we really experience what it means to be complete and to FEEL complete

"A man is measured by the size of things that anger him." - Geof Greenleaf

OMFG!!! SO PISSED RIGHT NOW!!! DARN FATE AND DESTINY AND MY OWN LACK OF POWER!!!! .........

Alright, over it now, later!

Frankie Manning, Shim Sham!!! WHOO!

For all those who care, this is a video of the shim sham routine that has seemed to elude us for quite a while now, WATCH AND LEARN!

My material!

Apologies for the lack of feeling in the last few months of this horrendous blog, however, I have come to realise that it isn't a lack of feeling I have, but that the feelings have been shoved elsewhere, namely MSN, into great and kickass conversations which I shall eventually adapt to the bigger screen of this blog. PATIENCE!!!

CYA! ;)

Recollections, reflections and resolutions...

"No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot." - Scott Adam

I like that saying because 9 times out of then 10, that's the truth. If such is the truth, then that would mean that I've NOT been an idiot for 36.5 days, a bit more than a month. What can I say then...the 36.5 days of 2006 that I wasn't an idiot for included the day that I decided to do swing, the two weeks of SWOTVAC I spent actually studying, all the days that I actually went swing dancing, the social swing dancing, the clubbing with friends and friends of friends, the awesome parties at college, the so called relationships of the year gone by, and...going on an awesome road trip. Most of the above I've already elaborated quite a bit on in the previous posts, so i'll talk about the rest of the year for which I was probably mostly an idiot for.

Actually... you know what!? @#%$@^* YOU ALL!!! I AM SO NOT GONNA BLOG RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE I'M NOT IN THE FREAKIN' MOOD FOR IT! I'VE BEEN LIKE EMOTIONALLY AND SPIRITUALLY EMPTY THESE LAST FEW MONTHS AND HAVE NO TRUTHS OR REVELATIONS TO OFFER ANYMORE! BYE!!!

Road trip...what a week!

For the good and complete version of the trip, see Keegan's blog...

Gotcha! Nah, I will write my own watered down, eyes-closed-half-the-time-because-i-was-asleep-in-the-car version.

Short:

1st day - Woke up early in the morning to drive to some coast, went along that coastline on Great Ocean Road to this place called Wye River while admiring the awesomely spectactular views of cliffs, road and waves. Pitched up camp, made dinner and slept to the soothing grunts and groans of koalas and I quote "sound like they are perpetually clearing their throat of rocks" - Keegs. Oh yeah, the car was jam packed with food, our clothes and toiletries et cetera, and camping gear, and once i get the photos and publis a longer version of the road trip, you will feel for me and Keegan having to be squished in the backseat, albeit among the comfort of well placed pillows. *Oh yeah, so much for camping, we actually had great food for the entire trip, which was VERY muchly appreciated ;)*

2nd day - We went to some place called Colac via Apollo Bay I think, and visited a waterfall on the way. When we got to Colac, we picked up Amanda who we, thanks to eating all the food so that we could make room in the car, managed to squish into the backseat along with Keegs and I, and then we went to this place called Stevenson's Falls, where we tried to initiate contact with the camping ground, only to find ourselves going in circles BACK to the place which we thought was the car park or something. We proceded to pitch camp, visit the rot-a-loo *that's right, a ROT-A-LOO!!!* for our biological wasteage needs, and picked leeches off someone's leg and the tent.

Seeing as this was a completely secluded and unpowered site, we reckoned it would be a good idea to get a fire started not just for the light and warmth, but also that we may cook our dinner. Giving a more than necessary tan to my rice cooker pot and Leanne's real pot, we managed to make a great meal of pasta in sauce and have fruit salad for dessert in the pitched darkness and smokey night, trying to determine the location of the southern cross in the sky with a big ol' tree in the way. We all ended up in one tent, laughing our heads off everytime this owl went "hoot hoot!".

3rd day - Wow, now this you have to read!!! There we were, mindfully worrying about our own business in the car as Mel was carefully driving us to our next destination when all of the sudden...

Leanne: As i opened my eyes to the coastline, the only words i could utter out was 'wow, it's so beautiful.' After a moment of silence, i continued, 'it looks strangely like the...'

Person A: "omg it is the 12 apostles..."

Person B: Angrily, "Keegan..."

HAHAHA! We were definitely NOT supposed to be going to the 12/8 apostles, and there we were! Hahaha, while it was an awesome and spontaneously sudden (yes, i'm breaking the rule of using two similar words as a combo, so what!?) change of direction and plans, it was, as I always say, "CHAOS THEORY RULES", as we were meant to turn LEFT to go the place we were originally intended, but cos of our lack of fuel and wanting to have-fun-quick, we ended up going the wrong way and found ourselves among tourists also visiting the apostles. Why not, I say. The view was magnificent, and then we walked down to this little beach with a cove, and had a great time working out our legs to push through the sand.

So, being quite geographically displaced from our originally intended location, we spent the night at this caravan/camping ground, which, luckily for us, had laundry facilities, tv and a nice open wide kitchen, where we spent the evening once again cooking up a great dinner and enjoying a warm cup of tea with biscuits for supper. Fortunately, there were little or not owls here to beautifully "promote" our sleep, hehe.

4th day - Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure we spent this entire day walking, first, down to this place that was named something like "moonblade crest" or something, but we ended up going halfway down this ravine FIRST by jumping over a barbed fence AFTER a long long hike down to it before we decided it wasn't worth the effort to get down there. I think I heard afterwards that we were actually meant to go to this other place for that moonblade thingy...whatever. Then we drove to this treetop cove thingy that would've been really nice to go through, but unforunately would've cost us a pretty penny, so we decided to try our luck by going down to Cape Otway, which had a really nice antique lighthouse. Yet again, the money drove us away into the loving arms of the camp that was to be our home for that night, Bimbi Park.

We spent most of the remains of that day on like a 3-3.5 hrs walk down to Station Beach and Rainbow Falls, which was definitely worth the trek, seeing as the girls picked up a lot of sus looking rocks, and keegan taking all these photos, and me drenching myself trying to get within the cave of the waterfall so that i could take pictures. The trek back was pretty hilarious, not because we saw the cutest little Echidna digging for ants on the way but because of someone *cough cough* struggling to get up a sand dune which seemed like it required a world's worth of effort. HAHAHA. Thankfully, we made it back to Bimbi Park in once piece to enjoy the taken-from-ikea kitchen and living room to enjoy a bit of dinner and a long game of texas hold-em poker with the guys ending in victory! Keegan's courage and my steadfastedness in actually "holding 'em" triumphed over the numerously successful but reckless attacks by Leanne, the silent-yet-deadly-and-distracted tactic look of Mel, and Amanda's....um....good playing skills?

5th day - OMG, this is SO another one that you must read.

So what I was wishing for for most of the trip was a day spent at a beach, getting baked to "well done/burnt". It is said that we should be careful of what we wish for, because look ye all and behold! We DID spend a whole day at the beach, an entire 14 hrs!!! The first 6-7 of which were spent graciously throwing ourselves at the oncoming waves, which ended up giving me a few scratches over my body due to the thrashing i received from being dragged along the sand and trying to find pippies! However, when we got back to our car, we were greatly confused as to why the @#$^#$& hell the car wouldn't start! After a few unsuccessful attempts at getting it working from us and a few kind strangers, we ended up calling the RACV to come and help us.

By the time they came, which was a few hours after, I had looked at the key and thought "That metal thingy there must have some sort of purpose, since the ignition thing also had a platform for that metal thingy on the key to contact", and whaddya know, it was the freakin' engine killer in case the key got screwed up! *sigh* Those were the words of the mechanic who came and tried out a few things to get the car started, so what was a little splash on the keys ended up being like a 4 hour campout in the car by me and Amanda while the others went to pick up Mel's dad in a taxi so that he could bring us a spare key to start the car, a 4 hour drive!!! THANK YOU MEL'S DAD! WE ARE GOING TO BUY YOU SHIRAZ!.

So yeah, listening to swing music and talking for hours on end, the calvary finally came, and after a whole day ordeal, we made it back to melbourne in one piece to sleep soundly and comfortably. Oh yeah, while we were waiting for them to come back, these people actually came up in taxis to camp on the beach that we were on, and Manda and I were like "omg, are those cultists? hide! and don't let them see us" Later on, we were thinking that that would've been one taxi fare, as the closest town that they could've come from would've been like apollo bay or something, a fair half hour or more drive away.

So yeah, that's the short version of the road trip, for the complete version, just read everyone else's so that you may compile it yourself. Hmph

Thanks for listening!